Hmmm interesting... maybe it could become a web server but have a crazy crappy AI program installed on it, so it would be some kinda online agony aunt.... ; like http://start.csail.mit.edu/
Hmmm, actually, if i recall correctly, I'm not entirely sure you could turn it into a fully qualified Web Server, at least not easily. As for the rest, it's quite doable. OS9 wasn't exactly "friendly" for setting up services.
Before you got to bed place it above your bedroom door, carefully balancing it on a custom made trap door. Devise some rigging and voila... a security device.
During the day, use it as a doorstop.
Now if you had an original Mac, an iMac or a Studio Display, then there's always this:
Seriously I need an option now to get rid of this damn thing... I don't want to bin it if at all possible.
1. Ebay it. Might get 99p. 2. Charity Shop. Could anyone love it? 3. Security device. Yup I like that one. 4. Extract all the gold off the circuits and earn myself a few pence if lucky.